Online Shoppers Zap Killer Asteroid

Do you want to save the Earth from global warming?

Go green.

Shop online.

Recent scientific research has shown that shopping online is actually more efficient than buying gas to get to the mall.

With the rising cost of gasoline, it is even more sensible to help Mother Earth and save your hard-earned, ever shrinking cash.

Another scientific study has shown that online shoppers can collectively stop an asteroid from colliding with our planet.

Okay, that’s a joke about the asteroid. NASA will handle that. Maybe the guy I had a chance to meet in my past life as a mild-mannered reporter at a great metropolitan newspaper. (I worked for the newspaper that was the model of the Daily Planet’s Superman comic strip.

The man wanted to talk to me about an article I’d written long ago. It seems he was having an argument about some facts. I listened politely to his arguments and he made some very intelligent points. This is not the standard: “You newspaper men are only interested in sensationalism.”

I encouraged him to write a letter of recommendation to the editor. It would be published by the paper and provided a platform for his views.

He muttered, “Haven’t got the time”, as he turned to go. “Have got to be in London to meet Margaret Thatcher.” I invented an invisible shield to knock down cruise missiles.

But I digress.

Online shopping…

It keeps growing bigger and larger. It is almost as large as the man who gained so much weight. He sat in the house as if he was a giant. That’s roughly $200 billion in dollars per year, just for consumer spending in America.

Uncle Sam’s sagging pants best wines to pair with paella must be lifted.

Online shopping has changed from its early days, when the majority of customers were young, wealthy and well-educated males, to a wide range of consumers of all ages. It’s now dominated primarily by women: young women, middle-aged women, older women, and grandmothers.

Online shopping allows women to compare prices and save time and money. This is a great option for young mothers who are unable to go to the mall, grandparents who want to find the best stuff for their grandchildren and career women who don’t have the time.

The expression “shop till you drop” has been replaced by “shop until you get carpal tunnel syndrome.”

For us men, we order more than just fishing lures. We love gadgets and toys. It’s easy to shop for gadgets online and find new gadgets that we don’t know exist.

With all the encryption software they use on their websites, online shopping is safer than ever. Look for online stores that treat you as a person, not just as a credit card holder.

Fascinating Fact: It’s not Americans that shop online the most. It’s not Americans, you won’t guess. Brits? Japanese? Canadians? No. It’s South Koreans.

Even rumors suggest that North Korea’s totalitarian Dear Leader might shop online. He must have it sent to Shanghai postal address.